Thursday, February 28, 2013


“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
I Peter 5:7

I would say I have good control over anger. You know those situations when your stopping quickly to get something to eat and the place has run out of the one thing you were craving? THOSE are the situations that I can fly through. No problem- It happens to everyone and my expectations of how things are going to happen can't lead me to be upset over an inconvience. That'd be selfish of me to get angry over something like that, and I always find myself saying "Everything happens for a reason". 
God has a plan for my life, and just because I think I've got it all figured out, doesn't mean he won't turn the tables in my life the way he has planned for me. You get inconvenienced when traffic is backed up, or when you drop and break a new plate, or when your children are screaming in the grocery store. Those are all things I'd say I handle pretty well, most of the time.

Anxiety on the other hand, I have absolutely no control over in my life. I have read into it and tried to fix it through patience and understanding. And really, I feel like anxiety runs parallel to anger. It's an emotion and it's not sin to feel anxiety or anger. It's what we do when we feel these emotions that matter. We need to be able to control ourselves- our tongue, body and actions. I feel this way about my anxiety- it's okay to FEEL anxiety, but I can't let it control my life. 

Some weeks are okay, slight anxiety that I can throw off my shoulders. Just a little heavy-not too heavy. Wether it's about financial expectations, time constraints, terrible twos, schedule changes, health, working hours, etc. But other weeks, it's like anxiety takes over my life. It almost sets you into a place of depression (minus the depressed feelings). It makes you question if you are depressed, because it's not necessarily about being sad or depressed. But it takes over your mind, your spirit, your energy and so much more. I used to go through these anxiety attacks back in high school and the slightest change of pace. I remember when I was in high school, I wasn't the type to get angry and want to fight- I would start to shake and my body would just shut down. I didn't understand why everything was happening this way, or how I was supposed to handle it. 

To this day, when I get angry or nervous, I start to have anxiety attacks. I don't break out in an anger rage... I just shut down. I get chills, I can't stop shaking, I'll start crying, I can't stay awake, I can't seem to make those plans that I've had all set out. Not all at once, but depending on what had just happened- my body reacts to these changes and it takes over. I can't control it, and that's where my problem lies!

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
I Peter 5:7

Cast all your anxiety on HIM because HE cares for you... I've read this so many times, I can't explain why it hasn't just clicked until recently. I still have anxiety here and there, but it's the small weight that I can just figure out and take control of. I've given my anxiety to HIM. I've prayed and asked for help. I've asked for guidance in how to control my body in anxiety and anger and all of those emotions that cause you to act outside of what is the normal for you. I want to be happy and joyful and spread joy to others that I am around. I see strangers for minutes, and in those minutes I want to spread joy. Wether it's through my children that I can have a short conversation, or if I'm saying "Have a great day!". Taking an extra second to say something nice to the pay toll employee's, something they may not even notice or remember, or something that could've just made their day!

When you're working in the public, like I have since I was 15, you tend to get people that easily ruin your day from being rude or just inconsiderate. It's not even the first person, its once you have people doing it consecutively and eventually it just takes over and you start to get upset. You start making mistakes and getting frustrated. THEN, someone comes through the drive-thru and pays for the person behind them. These people are serving others without expecting any gain for themselves. The people behind them have no way of saying "Thank you" or re-paying them. That's one of the best parts... they're not looking for a thank you or for someone to do it back. If you knew how rare this happens, it would be disappointing. 

My point is- When you let anger and anxiety take over your life, sometimes you can turn into that customer that affects someone else's day, or you can be the employee that is easily upset. When you are happy or joyful, that spreads to others. My day's working in the public that started out bad would be fixed in an instant with acts of kindness, or just someone stopping to ask how I was doing, or how my children were doing. I'd get that instant reminder that people are good! You don't always get to understand why people are the way they are, you don't know where their hurt came from. 

You judge them by their bad habits- but there is hurt behind the habit. You can't just say- Stop drinking, stop smoking, stop doing drugs, stop self-harming, stop feeling anxious, stop hurting, stop loving them, stop WHATEVER it is. Everyone has a bad habit or has at some point that they've been driven to through hurt or if it's just always been there. We need to help by serving people, by sharing our joy, by helping in any way possible! 

And just remember, God can handle anything for you. Just ask and have Faith that he will follow through. He loves you just for being you- not for anything else other than the fact that you are His! He created you, and he will always be there to love you no matter what mistakes you made.